Jokes About the Debt Ceiling Crisis — Best Jokes About the Debt Limit

Best Late-Night Jokes About the Showdown Over Raising the Debt Ceiling

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Obama said he had been left at the altar a couple of times (by Republicans). And he asked a great question. He said, ‘Can they say yes to anything?’ A Democrat now has offered cuts in Medicaid, Medicare, Social Security, and the Republicans still said ‘no.’ What is the Democrats’ next offer? Kansas goes back to being a slave state? Obama moves back to Kenya? —Bill Maher, on the debt ceiling negotiations

This debt crisis still isn’t solved, but yesterday, the White House said it’s working on a ‘plan B.’ Unfortunately, the B stands for ‘bake sale.’ –Jimmy Fallon

Sarah Palin said that if a deal isn’t reached by Aug. 2, nothing will happen. Do you hear that, award-winning economists? –Jimmy Kimmel

They say that the United States might default on its loans and China might foreclose. We’ll have to move into a cheap rental country or something. –Jimmy Kimmel

Speaking of the debt crisis, I read that if the U.S. debt were stacked in $100 bills, it would be as long as two football fields and as high as the statue of liberty. You know, just in case $14 trillion didn’t seem like a lot to you. –Jimmy Fallon

We’re getting closer and closer to the country going into default. We could be out of money by August 2nd. How many people are surprised by that? How many people are surprised we still have enough money to make it until August 2nd? —Jay Leno

The government is one week away from running out of money to pay its bills. So basically, our nation has become Nicholas Cage. –Conan O’Brien

Democrats warned that if the debt ceiling isn’t raised, the government would cease to function. How would you be able to tell? –Jay Leno

It’s not, ‘All right, let’s all chip in and we’ll buy a keg for the big party.’ It’s, ‘Buy me a keg and I won’t burn your f**kin’ house down.’ —Jon Stewart on Republicans’ approach to compromise during debt negotiations

The debt talks failed again. Now, President Obama wishes he was born in Kenya. –David Letterman

Still no deal on the debt ceiling. Washington is keeping us on the edge of our seat — a seat that will soon be repossessed. —Craig Ferguson

The debt ceiling debate is such a mess right now, Al Qaeda is desperately trying to find a way to take credit for it. –Jimmy Kimmel

I’m not saying this Congress is bad at its job. I’m just saying that this Congress is equivalent to a skunk with its head in a jar of Skippy peanut butter. –Jon Stewart

My question to Congress, and, I think, a question many Americans may be sharing as of tonight, is this: do you want out of this relationship so bad, but don’t have the balls to leave, so you’ve all decided to act like such giant a**holes you force us to break up with you? Because if so, just get the f**k out. –Jon Stewart

President Obama is starting to get tough. He said he’s reached his limit and he will not give in on his debt ceiling position even if it costs him his presidency. Well, that should make the Republicans fold. ‘We’ve got to save Obama’s presidency.’ —Jay Leno

The ‘debate’ we’ve been having? Is that what that noise out of Washington has been? It sounded like an elephant seal trying to f**k a truck. –Jon Stewart, on the debt ceiling debate

Will we default on our debt, and will Canada let us crash on their couch for awhile? –Stephen Colbert

Iowa Congressman Steve King says that if the country falls into default, President Obama could be impeached. Obama could stop that with three words: ‘President Joe Biden.’ –Jay Leno

President Obama may have to cancel his 50th birthday party because of the debt limit crisis. The Republicans won’t even let Obama raise his age. –Conan O’Brien

If the debt ceiling isn’t raised by Aug. 2, the whole country can go into default and we won’t be able to pay our bills. Then we’ll have to ask our parents for money, which will be very embarrassing. –Jimmy Kimmel

We are $14 trillion in debt. To understand how much money that is, imagine grocery shopping at Whole Foods every day of the month. –Jay Leno

I was sure that the Republican plan to fix the economy by defaulting on the national debt would work, but apparently it didn’t. The unemployment rate is now at 9.2%, which is scary because experts say 9.5 is the point at which people are desperate enough to consider Michele Bachmann. –Bill Maher

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