Solving for G Holy Altered DNA, Batman! or ULTRAsounds!

Holy Altered DNA, Batman! or ULTRAsounds!

Every dad thinks his kid is special. I am not an exception to this rule. Quite the opposite, in fact. I have long suspected that the next step in human development is just around the bend. Further, I suspected that my family tree just might support the next branch in human evolution. Before our first ultrasound I suspected that my child could be that next step, and now that I have the ultrasound in hand, I now I have the proof to back me up.

Here, in no particular order, are five possible mutations—with corroborating evidence—illustrating just how special my kid is.

Exhibit A.

I realize that this is not the sexiest of all possible mutations. But hey, progress is progress. I mean, I hope she doesn’t turn out to be a supervillain because she’s ashamed of her abilities, but it could be worse. I’m not a strong swimmer, and it’s going to be tough to teach her how to swim. This could certainly help. Also, I’m not sure that a blowhole is necessarily tied to super-strength, but one can hope.

Exhibit B

Likewise, gills could prove invaluable to the inexperienced swimmer. More so than a blowhole, even, since she wouldn’t actually need to come up for air at all. I should point out that though they aren’t visible in the above photo, we clearly saw the lungs during the ultrasound, so if she did have gills, they would work in concert with her lungs, allowing her to breath both air and water. Gills have an additional advantage in that they wouldn’t necessarily be visible, and she could more easily mingle with her less evolved friends and acquaintances. And if she can talk to fish, so much the better.

Exhibit C

Unless my ancestry has an as-yet-unidentified Kryptonian branch, it’s unlikely that any spawn of mine will be able to fly without the aid of wings. (Unless she’s a super-genius who invents a jetpack or other personal flight apparatus.) These wings appear to be folded at the present time, which one would expect, pre-birth. But based on the wings size right now, it’s altogether possible she could be up and flying around before she walks. We may have to rethink the ceiling fan in her nursery.

Exhibit D

I’m going to break with my established pattern here, and start with some anecdotal evidence before I present the physical proof. For the last few weeks, Hollie has periodically developed really bad heartburn. Although the doctor said this is normal, and told her to take TUMS or something similar, nothing has truly quenched the heartburn. Typically, you’d just accept this as one of the side effects of pregnancy. I have a different theory. Until this point, I’ve shown the same ultrasound, and simply highlighted different parts. Shortly after snapping that picture, however, something happened, which we we fortunate enough to catch on the monitor.

I believe that in the presence of evil our baby turns into Ghost Rider. All the signs are there. Hollie pointed out the prominence of the skull, which you clearly can make out in all of the ultrasounds. And in the prolonged presence of our ultrasound tech, (whom I’ve already described as mostly evil—or just stupid ) our daughter briefly completed her transformation. And why has Hollie been experiencing heartburn throughout the day? I blame the evil perpetrated by folks in our neighborhood who let their dogs poop in my yard.

Exhibit E

Which brings me to the final and, to my mind, most likely superpower held by my progeny. The supernatural ability to rock. Seriously, 20 weeks old and she’s already throwin’ the goat. I can’t speak for Hollie, but I haven’t been listening to that much Ozzy since we first found out she was pregnant. Granted, we have been playing a lot of Guitar Hero and Rock Band over the last year or so. It’s probably seeped into our DNA at this point. And lest you think the ability to rock isn’t a mutation, I beg to differ. Clearly, Kidz Bop isn’t going to cut it with this kid, and I couldn’t be happier.

In conclusion, I’m pretty sure my kid is going to kick all kinds of evildoer tail, and I look forward to nurturing her natural abilities, whatever they may be.

Hat tip to the Sreholsers for this post, btw. They deserve most of the credit.

Holy Altered DNA, Batman! or ULTRAsounds!

Every dad thinks his kid is special. I am not an exception to this rule. Quite the opposite, in fact. I have long suspected that the next step in human development is just around the bend. Further, I suspected that my family tree just might support the next branch in human evolution. Before our first ultrasound I suspected that my child could be that next step, and now that I have the ultrasound in hand, I now I have the proof to back me up.

Here, in no particular order, are five possible mutations—with corroborating evidence—illustrating just how special my kid is.

Exhibit A.

I realize that this is not the sexiest of all possible mutations. But hey, progress is progress. I mean, I hope she doesn’t turn out to be a supervillain because she’s ashamed of her abilities, but it could be worse. I’m not a strong swimmer, and it’s going to be tough to teach her how to swim. This could certainly help. Also, I’m not sure that a blowhole is necessarily tied to super-strength, but one can hope.

Exhibit B

Likewise, gills could prove invaluable to the inexperienced swimmer. More so than a blowhole, even, since she wouldn’t actually need to come up for air at all. I should point out that though they aren’t visible in the above photo, we clearly saw the lungs during the ultrasound, so if she did have gills, they would work in concert with her lungs, allowing her to breath both air and water. Gills have an additional advantage in that they wouldn’t necessarily be visible, and she could more easily mingle with her less evolved friends and acquaintances. And if she can talk to fish, so much the better.

Exhibit C

Unless my ancestry has an as-yet-unidentified Kryptonian branch, it’s unlikely that any spawn of mine will be able to fly without the aid of wings. (Unless she’s a super-genius who invents a jetpack or other personal flight apparatus.) These wings appear to be folded at the present time, which one would expect, pre-birth. But based on the wings size right now, it’s altogether possible she could be up and flying around before she walks. We may have to rethink the ceiling fan in her nursery.

Exhibit D

I’m going to break with my established pattern here, and start with some anecdotal evidence before I present the physical proof. For the last few weeks, Hollie has periodically developed really bad heartburn. Although the doctor said this is normal, and told her to take TUMS or something similar, nothing has truly quenched the heartburn. Typically, you’d just accept this as one of the side effects of pregnancy. I have a different theory. Until this point, I’ve shown the same ultrasound, and simply highlighted different parts. Shortly after snapping that picture, however, something happened, which we we fortunate enough to catch on the monitor.

I believe that in the presence of evil our baby turns into Ghost Rider. All the signs are there. Hollie pointed out the prominence of the skull, which you clearly can make out in all of the ultrasounds. And in the prolonged presence of our ultrasound tech, (whom I’ve already described as mostly evil—or just stupid ) our daughter briefly completed her transformation. And why has Hollie been experiencing heartburn throughout the day? I blame the evil perpetrated by folks in our neighborhood who let their dogs poop in my yard.

Exhibit E

Which brings me to the final and, to my mind, most likely superpower held by my progeny. The supernatural ability to rock. Seriously, 20 weeks old and she’s already throwin’ the goat. I can’t speak for Hollie, but I haven’t been listening to that much Ozzy since we first found out she was pregnant. Granted, we have been playing a lot of Guitar Hero and Rock Band over the last year or so. It’s probably seeped into our DNA at this point. And lest you think the ability to rock isn’t a mutation, I beg to differ. Clearly, Kidz Bop isn’t going to cut it with this kid, and I couldn’t be happier.

In conclusion, I’m pretty sure my kid is going to kick all kinds of evildoer tail, and I look forward to nurturing her natural abilities, whatever they may be.

Hat tip to the Sreholsers for this post, btw. They deserve most of the credit.


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